Kitchen-
plate / bowl / glass / utensil set
cereal bowls, snack plates
serving plates
trivets
pot holders
knife set
kitchen scissors
can opener
jar lid opener
recycling bin
blender
fire extinguisher

Bedroom-
smoke alarm

Guest Bedroom- 
guest sheet / pillowcase set
pilows / extra blanket
smoke alarm

Bathroom-
3 towel / washcloth / hair towel sets
guest set
non slip shower mat
bathmat
toilet paper
cleaning supplies
toothbrush holder cup
toothpaste
floss
bar soap
body wash

AJ Room-
crib
changing table
floor rug
toy bin
night light
smoke alarm


Dining room-
table cloth

Living room-
candles

Garage-
extra lightbulbs
sandwich bags
plastic bag holder
garbage bags
house cleaning supplies- clean and sanitize
mop, bucketdust pan
fire extinguisher
extra oil, windshield wipers, etc.
Medicine Cabinet-
rubbing alcohol
tylenol
infant tylenol
excedrine migraine
cough medicine
baby cough medicine
hot water bottle
2 ice packs
band-aids
thermometer

 Food Shopping List-

Fridge / Perishable- Milk, eggs, bread, butter, cheese, cold cuts

Freezer- Ice cream, frozen french fries, cordon bleu, chicken pot pie, hot pockets

Fruit- bananas

Pantry- Pancake mix, cereal, applesauce, mashed potato flakes, peanut butter, jelly, pasta, spaghetti sauce, soup, chili

Snacks- Granola bars, tortilla chips and salsa, popcorn, raisins

Baking- Sugar, flour, baking soda, oil, Pam spray, brown sugar, chocolate chips

Beverages- O.J., apple juice, grape juice, coffee, iced tea and lemonade mix, cans of soda for work

Misc. Kitchen- Salt, pepper, oregano

I miss  Ricky.  He's been gone a week but it feels like it's been forever.  I love it so much when he's home and I get so comfortable with it so fast, and then it seems like it's over before I get to slow down and enjoy it as much as I would like to.

He came home early.  He told me he was coming home July 3rd, but he showed up at 2:30 AM on his birthday, June 28th.  I was sitting on the couch on the laptop, I have no idea why I was still awake, and he just showed up behind me.  I turned around and didn't recognize him for a second because my brain couldn't comprehend that he could be standing behind me.

It was amazing to see him, we had a really good 9 or 10 days together, and now I miss him...

I miss my husband =)

I want to say it every chance I get.

I put in my 2 weeks at work.  My last day is July 26th I think.  I can't wait to be done with that.  Work has been driving me nuts this last week and I was really afraid I would lose my mind a few times there...

We're still looking for a house.  I think Lois wants to move in August 1st, but I'm not really sure that that's going to happen... maybe we could make it on the 15th... Either way, Ricky will be at Fort Bragg for all of August anyway.  We're going to have to rent a truck to get down there, so my dad will drive it down for us, and we'll pay for him to fly back.  They won't rent UHaul trucks to anyone under 21 I think, and I wouldn't want to drive one of those for the first time, 600 miles, anyway.  

I printed our wedding annoucements /  thank you letters today.  I'm so excited to send them out. I'm just waiting on the pictures to get here so I can put them in the envelopes and send them out... I really like the way the letters came out so I hope the prints came out well too...

My mind is in a bunch of different places... but overall I'm just really excited for a bunch of things.  I'm excited for moving and having a house of our own, I'm excited to be done with work and start something new, I'm excited to start over in a bunch of ways.  I need to try something new and go out of my comfort zone a little bit.  I know New Jersey, I know New Jersey people, and I want to go somewhere new and put myself into uncharted territory for me.  I am excited to go to a place and a state where nobody knows me and nobody has any judgements about me, and I can just start from scratch and be the person I want to be.    I'm excited to meet new people and start new friendships.  I'm a little scared, but feeling scared is normal, and feeling scared is worth it to be able to be with Ricky and sleep next to him every night.  I'm excited to be with my husband and have him all to myself, and finally live as husband and wife.  I've seen him like 6 times in the last year and I'm just done with being apart from the man that I love, I want to be with him every day and not wonder when the next time will be that I will see him.

I'm excited that things are changing and I can't wait to live every day as Rick'ys wife instead of 4 days as Ricky's wife.

I was on the phone with Ricky this morning, I asked if he had his flight booked already to come home next week. He told me yeah it's booked, him and his mom found the tickets online and bought the cheapest ones they could find.  He said she bought them and he has to pay her back.  I said to him, you really have to get on that, remember that you still owe her money from your plane tickets to come home in December.  Ricky's Mom buying the tickets made me wonder why Ricky didn't just do it himself, so I said to him, Wait a minute, why is she buying your ticket?  Do you seriously not have $400 in your account?  And he was quiet for a second and then said he didn't.  And I said I thought you told me you were saving money?  I thought you told me you realize you were being a jerk with the way you were spending money and not helping out, so you started saving and had money in your account? And he said I was, and I did, but I guess I spent it, and I thought I told you that.  Which is a major WTF! for me.  The wheels started turning AGAIN, and I said to him, when I asked you to please send home some money for baby food a few days ago, and you told me you "couldn't send money now because the bank wants you to reach your savings goal and wait until your next paycheck", were you just saying that because you have no money in  your account to send home?  And he said yes.

I can't believe Ricky lied to me again.  I'm FUCKING SICK of being lied to.  There is nothing that I hate more.

Seriously, is it so difficult to just be straight with me?  It doesn't even matter so much that you're spending money you're supposed to be saving, or your Mom has to buy your tickets home, whatever, we can work all of that out, but lying to me just doesn't cut it.

I want you to respect me enough that you can't bear to lie to me.

I want you to see that telling me the truth means more to me than what it is.

I want you to realize that I'm completely honest with you and it breaks my heart that you can lie to me.

The bottom line is-
I cannot marry a man who lies to me.

It's hard for me to believe that Andrew is 6 months old already... it just seems like it couldn't possibly have been so long.  Sometimes it feels like it's only been 6 weeks since he was born, sometimes it feels like it must have been years, but either way I know I can't imagine my life without him.  He seems like such an essential part of me and I can't imagine how I lived before I knew him, and how I didn't feel like a part of me was missing before I had him.  It's so strange for me to think of how expansive the future is for him and for both of us, and Ricky and I.  It's kind of hard to wrap your mind around, you know.  Andrew is going to do amazing things, and I can't even imagine what they will be.  He could be president, he could find a cure for a disease and stop millions from suffering, he could live in space one day, I just don't know.  In one way, that's a little bit scary, but it's more exciting to think about the millions of possibilities that will lay before him in his life.

Ricky is coming home for the 4th of July, so I have about 9 days to wait.  I'm so excited to see him... I was just telling him this morning on my way to work that there are so many little things I miss so much when he is gone.  I miss falling asleep in his arms, I miss the first moment when both of us are awake and just smiling at each other about some secret between us that no one will ever know, I miss kisses, I miss the way he says 1000 words to me with every kiss, I miss wondering what he's thinking about when he smiles at me, I miss him touching my hand, I miss kisses on my neck from behind when I lease expect it, I miss the way he looks at me like he's looking at something beautiful and priceless, I miss his scent and the feel of his body, I miss being able to say anything I want to him without having to pick up a phone, I miss feeling his arms around me and the way he holds me like he doesn't want to let go, I just miss being together and being with the man I love more than anything.  

I hate seeing people take the ones they love for granted... it seems like people don't realize what they have until it's gone.  I don't know if that makes us luckier or what... and even though this is hard on both of us, I know it's teaching us a good lesson and forcing us to appreciate every second of the time we do have. 

Ricky and I are  trying to get it all together so we can get married and Andrew and I can move down to be with him.  He didn't get the extended leave for July, so he'll only be home for 4 days.  Too soon and it's not enough time.  And then the whole month of August he has to be in the field, so the next time he'll be coming home after next week will be sometime in September.   We'll probably get married then.  And as far as the timing of Lois, Andrew and I moving to North Carolina to be with Ricky, we're waiting to see what will happen with the deployment... it will depend on when he's set to leave.

At this point, we're used to being apart.  In the last year we've spent 10 days, 2 days, 13 days, 2 days, 2 days, and 1 day and a half together.  One month together out of the last twelve... So I guess that means we were together less than 10% of the last year?  Either way... It sucked and it still sucks, but we're getting through it, one day at a time.  At this point I'm just wondering what it will be like to live together.  One thing I'm worried about, when we do move in together, we'll get used to spending every day together, and then when Ricky deploys, it will be twice as hard as if we hadn't gotten used to being together.  Right now we're used to being apart.  I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but I've been used to it and I'm alright with it.  I'm used to taking care of myself, I'm used to only being able to talk to Ricky at night, I'm used to making decisions by myself and feeling alone sometimes.  I just don't know if it would be too much for me, or too much for him, if we were living together, because we would be going from one extreme to the other, and I'm worried what kinds of problems that could cause... I don't want to make things harder on him and that's what I'm afraid would happen if we suddenly went from a year of being apart, to living together, spending every night together, sleeping together every night, waking up together every morning... I'm scared it might be a little bit of a shock for me, and of course it would be so much harder for me to leave him after getting used to being together again...

Well I should get to bed... errands to run in the morning and work tomorrow afternoon... it felt good to get all of that out though.